Got you good, got you fast- BDL Part 1

So I'm stranded in Hartford International Airport tonight.
I'm kind of excited. I have a knack for things like this.. these pseudo extreme notions of a life.
But you have the opportunity to have a lot of good ideas in moments like this.. long moments when you are just with yourself somewhere. when you are holding out and holding in.

I didn't know I'd be trying to fly anywhere last night, but I got a call from my mother telling me she wanted me to come home this morning.

MAN , traveling is so weird. I have whole theories about it. Gosh!

But I'm here now. Decided to finally decide to come around say... 12:30.. called a cab at around 1:00 to pick me up at around 2:30. Put some stuff in a bag or two, cleaned my room up a little bit. heard the familiar beep, said goodbye to my housemate and went outside..

hmmm
its crazy you know.. this life.. this mellifluous state of being..

man its a decision to try to go somewhere..
i had to start writing about it in the cab..

i got lucky and got a split fare as a professor was waiting in the cab.. when i jumped in.. also headed to the airport.. sweet!

There's a whole other story to this though. There's the one that takes place outside of my mind, but there's all the stuff that happens inside to make all the stuff happen outside.

I once told a friend, that to travel is to burst the enveloping sheath, it takes an energy of motion and of self to burst through what seems like constraints,
or sometimes simply the inertia of being in one place,
of sitting in a chair and pondering -which i like to do also
or going about your established route- which i sometimes do not like to do
or thinking maybe i don't have enough money to do this right now- which of course seems true at different times
oooh ooh oooh, if we could get through that one, and we can.

Gosh, it takes an energy to burst that enveloping sheath.. of a kind of motion that is twisty and turny and takes you places, in the midst of many people, and many things and sayings and its you!
It's you and your motion and your intention and it's you who's gotta get somewhere.
None of the other travelers can get you to your destination, though they have their role and their place in the grand picture, and they help you out so often
but dudes only you can take you to your destination.

MAN! iTS CRAZY!
What kind of force is that.. come hell or high water or heaven, man its you.
That's great. I'd think. I could talk about that thing so many times.

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So today I started out and I think you're always kind of afraid at the start of a journey.. Should you do it? SHould you decide to go to that place. to take your physical body, muster that friggin energy?

It's like a light switch that you turn on inside of yourself. You can't go anywhere if you don't decide to flick it.
I had to do that today when I was sitting on the couch..
around 12.

And then I started moving...

I didn't know how I was going to get to Hartford.. so I posted something on facebook and thought about calling some people.. but it was short notice.. like an hour to two so I just figured to call a cab..

and then I got to the airport and tried to list on the flight ( I had called earlier to check on the availability for standby) and there was a problem. That we hadn't been verified for this year.. and this was like 30 min before the flight and it was something you had to do online and i couldn't get wi-fi downstairs and i was trying to call my dad and couldn't get him and like i'd already come to the airport and i tried to call home and couldn't get anybody.

then i called again and my sister picked up and it was like 3:30 and the flight was scheduled to leave at 4:09 and i was like can you hurry up and go online and verify us for the year? ( because the flight attendant couldn't let me list if not) and it was like 9 minutes until the cutoff time when you can't get on the plane, but you gotta try these things anyway and after some more twists and turns online as i talked her through it on the phone she did it.
And I got off the phone and got in the line and called the northwest ticket agent on the phone while in the line and she was British and i told her where i was trying to go and all the things you have to tell and she tried and she said she couldn't do it, even though we had already done it. Like it hadn't yet registered in the system. AND I told her I was standing in the line.
But I was still like .. lemme try this. I'll go to the desk.. and the line was so long!
And then one of the agents called
"LAST call for Detroit!"
so I looked up and backed on out of line and slipped under the divider and went around to the desk and told her I was trying to go to the Detroit and that I wasn't listed yet.. and she looked a little stressed to tell you the truth..
but at those moments when you are standing at the counter waiting for someone to tell you yay or nay,
you just gotta think the best, so I was thinking to myself.. this lady is like an angel.. and i was waiting you know..
and just moments before the British lady on the phone was like. "Sorry love."
But then this lady looked up, ripped off a boarding pass and handed it to me.
yup.. ok
so.. skip along some points and i'm in the terminal and i'm waiting
and .. skip along some more and I'm waiting to get my seat.. and there's a process when you're a standby and i guess this flight had been oversold ( when i'd called a couple hours earlier there had been some seats left, but these things change you know)
So I ended up not actually getting on the flight, but it was kinda ok. You know I've learned that sometimes when things appear a certain way they really aren't.. or at least where flight is concerned I've kinda learned to be ok when you don't get on a flight.. like you'll be ok.. you brought yourself to this scenario.. and you'll live to see
the next day.. and it'll be fine.

And then I was like actually somewhat excited.. this beats being in the computer lab or trying to stay awake all night to write a paper, which I was doing last night. ..

SO! here I AM sitting in the airport. And it's snowing outside. I would upload a picture, but once again I forgot my upload cord. It's so beautiful.. actually. I'm listening to Amel Larrieux and some classical music of unknown origins (to me!) is playing in the background and this snow is drifting
so crazily beautifully in different directions
and soft-like
seeming
almost
slo-mo
but fast.
What if you could be floating like that, floating in that midst like a snow feather.
I'm kind of really affected by this right now..

hmmm..
I'll be back a little later..

I. says the Abioto