addendum:

time permits

more from the journey

more photos from jena with commentary at

http://wesleyan.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2028632&l=79db1&id=4203805

More here later as time permits..

intisar

The PCFProject for the Jena 6

more to come
i don't even have all
words y'all
just love y'all
i think it may just be all love
forming itself

-the little match it girl

Galanton via Lura

DivShare File - 09 Galanton.m4a

Mabon, Mississippi

Pangea Day

Check this.
I think it's pretty cool.
Can we say yes!

Powerful wonderful images of who we are and who we can be.
pangeaday.org

Check ya
laters

impulse traveler

take me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meet take me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meettake me wanderin through these streets where bright lights and angels meet

so they say.. the story goes

So it's 1 2 3
here we go..

Here I am 1:49 am Memphis TEN time. Sitting in the darkness, comp screen a kinda glow.
Sitting up here listening to this real fresh dude named Mateo, check him if you get chance.
I'm on that Now That I Ain't Got You and Human is pretty fresh too,


but here's the deal yo! Ha! Here we are.. you know that feeling like you're on the road right, be it early in the morning or late at night and you're headed somewhere and the wind is cuttin you real close, like you know something's coming and you're coming to it.. you're speeding and shooting through the darkness or that morning light or those movies where someone is headed into the next horizon..
there are thousands of horizons and endless new days and if you can catch the fire

catch the fire
wake up in the morning catchin the fire
breathing in the fire
speaking the fire
sharing the fire
burning it, lightin the way and lightin it up

if this is us.. if we are poised always on our new horizons.. i suspect i might be up late tonight..i think i'm the only one up in the house tonight, but then sometimes you just ain't ready to get to sleep. can i talk like this? i believe i can you know? ha.. maybe i'll get a bit more proper a little later, but

i'm really involved in the concept of people chasing their dreams or not even chasing em but knowing they reside inside you. already there. they're/there/their settin inside your belly waiting for you to breathe your light to set the world on fire.

I've been getting more academic with it you know. Summer was here and I was just trying to get somewhere, setting out with a sketchpad and some words and a couple of months.
It's September now and though I'm not physically at good ole Wesleyan I'm in another mindset. I was reading recently in that Twyla Tharp book I was telling you all about that Beethoven had a series of notebooks. Not categorized according to dates written in, but the development or maturation of a thought or project.
Scratch ideas or the beginning of things were found in one notebook and months later the idea could be found in another notebook in another phase of development or realization and later in another notebook where it was fully fleshed out.
So summer was crayons and scratch thought and feeling memory and stretching out my hand and into my own thoughts and trying to take a feeling out in the world.. your ideas are big and you feel them almost bustin out under the seams. This part is your heart screaming.. can you stop it really? Would you really want to? Hope not. perhaps as big as the whole sky and they were.. can we hold the sky.. can we encompass it?
hmmm

we take an empty piece of paper and scribble things. We do what we know and make all we can.. We take sticks and scratch things into the dirt and this is good.. make mud pies.. remember when you were littler -ha- and you were first learning to write and draw and all you did was draw swirls and circles or just scratched lines all over the page..- well I remember that anyway, sitting in the music room in the old house in memphis, on the wood floors just scribbling trying to draw a face or something- you wanted to make something and you knew you could but you had to learn the ways and thats ok though. you're all over the place and in this space you encompass almost all the space on the page.. you're free perhaps.. or this is the way i feel it in my memory.. you make your way..
well here i am three months in from the start of summer..
know more things
experienced more things
tried a whole lot of things
abandoned some
just left off of some
had a thousand ideas
got over some fears
working with others

but i'm not scribbling so hard though i still got my crayons in hand.. or i'm still scribbling hard, but in new and different whilst similar patterns and don't get me wrong i'll go back to scribbling anytime, but now
I'm in a place where I can push through the big broad feeling of desire waiting to formulate itself and take shape (where you can see and hear and touch yeah!) and push through the amazing feelings to get at a research question and a hypothesis, a thesis for what I want to explore.
maybe thesis sounds boring, but its really just a question i want to explore out in the world and on paper and out on the dance floor (be it stage or street corner or in a room..) or on the digital sensor or film strip... Getting a question I can catch on fire with real and imaginative realities. Or imaginations of who we will and want to be.
Realities of our imaginations.
vice versa. you decide.

And that's exciting. I'm revisiting some old dance texts and readings from last year (I mean you know.. sometimes you don't really get to imbibe things thoroughly at the time.. if you even finish them at all- you know sometimes you just don't finish a reading all the way. I really believe there is a digestion process that goes on with learning. Like can I sit down with these things now, but they have to settle and soak in, cycles of learning) \
But I'm finding these things are really helping me to define what I'm trying to get at. And what I'm trying to define. What I'm wanting to find in evidence.
I'm checking some readings from Katja Kolcio's Perspectives on Dance as Culture.
Frig yea! for all you dance heads out there.
But!
I can't tell if that's all I need to say or what?
But I've been doing a quite a bunch of writing and defining for myself.
I start out planning to write someone an email about what's going on, wanting to explain in a real way my feelings and then I end up writing something to myself to really get at the purpose and I'm getting there. I'm getting there, Ndank Ndank.
Today I feel I made some good decisions about the form and content of things.
I have a single piece of glossy paper covered back and front with the little words of the essential things as I know them to be.

We're changing and evolving some of the ways we're doing things. Methods or winding ways.
Which means we hope to be talkin to some of our folks. I hope I am not talking around things.. I just kind of want to.. know what I'm saying before I say things.. completely.. I mean sometimes you gotta store up.. roll up all the energy for' you blast it.


But basically we wanna do what we can for all the folks and friends we meet. Like being our own advocates and own blasters.
Like thowin you up in the sun.. like man I think y'all are important. I think y'all are friggin important and sure I'm talking about my friends and stuff but this process of taking your dream vision out into the world. I mean its like our rights of passage or something or that quest, that quest. Like who we are.
I don't I'll ever get tired of that story.
And what if we could know we'd make it, like not drop our wishes lightly, but
droppin 'em like bombs. I mean not bombs but you know what I mean.. heavy as the earth it be spinnin

plantin em, staking them in the deep dark ground,

boshudha, to wait and rumble and erupt, upturn
churn up and over
speak them out like birds and wings erupting
feathers from the mouth
I think this thing of who we are is beauty at its essential. There is something about this that excites me beyond measure.
Man I'm pretty excited.
And it's you. Man its you on your adventure to yourself.. to the core and running back
I'm pretty excited, but I'll be calling hopefully soon

like a friggin wishing well, but for real like
like real
like seals

plus its been bout time i get some thank you notes out into the world

so
oh
yo
oy
joy
-eux de vivre
4:30 am
well
here's to the night

------++++++++ya ya

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

-theodore roethke
the waking

Kickin Up Earth
Cupid Shuffle

on what has happened

sowhat adifference a picture makes. here i am. its 2:15. I haven't updated in a minute,
almost in a week perhaps and some newness is necessary, on its way not all today..
not all today by far..
but you ever do something and just not have anything to say yet, not have anything to tell,
just not ready because maybe you don't even fully know what's up yet or you.. or maybe its just not something you can tell yet.. there being lots of ways to know or experience and sometimes just telling, like if i were to try to tell for the sake of telling, and this is such a telling place, this is such a telling landscape.. like i am to tell you what's happening and update you and myself with pictures and words and bring a sort of energy to this place. oh, things are bubbling. they are exciting and colorful, can i show you what's next, can i wrap an experience onto this platform and yes it will be beautiful maybe and maybe some posts will be more evocative than others, but as long as i keep going.. i wonder if this can be a listening place as well,
like you know those stone, those garden or lawn people, their bodies are short and stout and they are of one stone and they are sitting with their legs pulled to their bodies and their heads tucked into the space between their legs. sometimes it is a female. sometimes they have a hat on and sometimes they don't. like these kind of stone people, they are are listening. they sit there and with their weight, their presence they do not take exactly but absorb the underpinnings, the secret flow of sound and the extra juiceof experience floating around, they stabilize a place, almost like a sponge, bringing the weight of emotions, sight, and memory down. The stability in the belly or the hips or the bent legs readying and springing for a jumpoff. I thought I would have something to say. Most of this summer I have been wanting to have something to say and I have. But then sometimes you don't and there is nothing to say, but listen or absorb slowly the secret juices that sift around you, the between matter, the holding substances, the clever broth or brew, that is life
and experience and not knowing and finding out and not knowing what to do about anything and not really being able to. Today I reached several points where I just did not know what to do.. like not in the way of i had something i was searching for an answer to.. but one of the moments where for the moment you just don't know what to possibly do with the present experience of living..
I've been sleeping alot too.. taking these really long day naps and waking up from them and in the morning with this feeling like I just have to do something.. that i have to burn. like jump the jump rope over myself. I have to share it or there's something that has to be said. It's in my dreams really, it's in my dreams every time since i got back from the non-stop and i just can't speak on that yet.. just can't focus it yet.. try to focus it into some words that won't serve it, or carveout something that isn't ready to be shaped, still spreading and pooling and wakening in my landscape..i believe i am still out there there listening to the aftereffects, the ... watching thecomposition of phenomena and .. goddangit some kinda experience..some kinda experience thing like not reading in my book or from my reader, but geez friggin life punching me in the guts, not really hurting really, but can't write a paper on it and turn it in to the prof and pretend like i care or if i do care, not really care what happens to it afterwards and forget it, maybe not even check the grade, particularly if its the end of the sem and i already know what grade i mighta got, and so maybe i just forget to pick up that paper from the box outside the office or something.... but yea this isn'tlike that so..
but my dreams i'm having are pretty much telling me i have to do something, like i wake up everytime pretty much jumping up and revved for something i don't yet know what or why, but kind of with a .. with a something and i can't quite remember the substance of these dreams like i usually do. when i can tell what happened to.. we'll see.. i don't know how much more later.
don't know how much more soon
i want a banana.. suddenly
-intisar.. do you ever temporarily want to call yourself a different name