So it's 1 2 3
here we go..
Here I am 1:49 am Memphis TEN time. Sitting in the darkness, comp screen a kinda glow.
Sitting up here listening to this real fresh dude named Mateo, check him if you get chance.
I'm on that Now That I Ain't Got You and Human is pretty fresh too,
but here's the deal yo! Ha! Here we are.. you know that feeling like you're on the road right, be it early in the morning or late at night and you're headed somewhere and the wind is cuttin you real close, like you know something's coming and you're coming to it.. you're speeding and shooting through the darkness or that morning light or those movies where someone is headed into the next horizon..
there are thousands of horizons and endless new days and if you can catch the fire
catch the fire
wake up in the morning catchin the fire
breathing in the fire
speaking the fire
sharing the fire
burning it, lightin the way and lightin it up
if this is us.. if we are poised always on our new horizons.. i suspect i might be up late tonight..i think i'm the only one up in the house tonight, but then sometimes you just ain't ready to get to sleep. can i talk like this? i believe i can you know? ha.. maybe i'll get a bit more proper a little later, but
i'm really involved in the concept of people chasing their dreams or not even chasing em but knowing they reside inside you. already there. they're/there/their settin inside your belly waiting for you to breathe your light to set the world on fire.
I've been getting more academic with it you know. Summer was here and I was just trying to get somewhere, setting out with a sketchpad and some words and a couple of months.
It's September now and though I'm not physically at good ole Wesleyan I'm in another mindset. I was reading recently in that Twyla Tharp book I was telling you all about that Beethoven had a series of notebooks. Not categorized according to dates written in, but the development or maturation of a thought or project.
Scratch ideas or the beginning of things were found in one notebook and months later the idea could be found in another notebook in another phase of development or realization and later in another notebook where it was fully fleshed out.
So summer was crayons and scratch thought and feeling memory and stretching out my hand and into my own thoughts and trying to take a feeling out in the world.. your ideas are big and you feel them almost bustin out under the seams. This part is your heart screaming.. can you stop it really? Would you really want to? Hope not. perhaps as big as the whole sky and they were.. can we hold the sky.. can we encompass it?
hmmm
we take an empty piece of paper and scribble things. We do what we know and make all we can.. We take sticks and scratch things into the dirt and this is good.. make mud pies.. remember when you were littler -ha- and you were first learning to write and draw and all you did was draw swirls and circles or just scratched lines all over the page..- well I remember that anyway, sitting in the music room in the old house in memphis, on the wood floors just scribbling trying to draw a face or something- you wanted to make something and you knew you could but you had to learn the ways and thats ok though. you're all over the place and in this space you encompass almost all the space on the page.. you're free perhaps.. or this is the way i feel it in my memory.. you make your way..
well here i am three months in from the start of summer..
know more things
experienced more things
tried a whole lot of things
abandoned some
just left off of some
had a thousand ideas
got over some fears
working with others
but i'm not scribbling so hard though i still got my crayons in hand.. or i'm still scribbling hard, but in new and different whilst similar patterns and don't get me wrong i'll go back to scribbling anytime, but now
I'm in a place where I can push through the big broad feeling of desire waiting to formulate itself and take shape (where you can see and hear and touch yeah!) and push through the amazing feelings to get at a research question and a hypothesis, a thesis for what I want to explore.
maybe thesis sounds boring, but its really just a question i want to explore out in the world and on paper and out on the dance floor (be it stage or street corner or in a room..) or on the digital sensor or film strip... Getting a question I can catch on fire with real and imaginative realities. Or imaginations of who we will and want to be.
Realities of our imaginations.
vice versa. you decide.
And that's exciting. I'm revisiting some old dance texts and readings from last year (I mean you know.. sometimes you don't really get to imbibe things thoroughly at the time.. if you even finish them at all- you know sometimes you just don't finish a reading all the way. I really believe there is a digestion process that goes on with learning. Like can I sit down with these things now, but they have to settle and soak in, cycles of learning) \
But I'm finding these things are really helping me to define what I'm trying to get at. And what I'm trying to define. What I'm wanting to find in evidence.
I'm checking some readings from Katja Kolcio's Perspectives on Dance as Culture.
Frig yea! for all you dance heads out there.
But!
I can't tell if that's all I need to say or what?
But I've been doing a quite a bunch of writing and defining for myself.
I start out planning to write someone an email about what's going on, wanting to explain in a real way my feelings and then I end up writing something to myself to really get at the purpose and I'm getting there. I'm getting there, Ndank Ndank.
Today I feel I made some good decisions about the form and content of things.
I have a single piece of glossy paper covered back and front with the little words of the essential things as I know them to be.
We're changing and evolving some of the ways we're doing things. Methods or winding ways.
Which means we hope to be talkin to some of our folks. I hope I am not talking around things.. I just kind of want to.. know what I'm saying before I say things.. completely.. I mean sometimes you gotta store up.. roll up all the energy for' you blast it.
But basically we wanna do what we can for all the folks and friends we meet. Like being our own advocates and own blasters.
Like thowin you up in the sun.. like man I think y'all are important. I think y'all are friggin important and sure I'm talking about my friends and stuff but this process of taking your dream vision out into the world. I mean its like our rights of passage or something or that quest, that quest. Like who we are.
I don't I'll ever get tired of that story.
And what if we could know we'd make it, like not drop our wishes lightly, but
droppin 'em like bombs. I mean not bombs but you know what I mean.. heavy as the earth it be spinnin
plantin em, staking them in the deep dark ground,
boshudha, to wait and rumble and erupt, upturn
churn up and over
speak them out like birds and wings erupting
feathers from the mouth
I think this thing of who we are is beauty at its essential. There is something about this that excites me beyond measure.
Man I'm pretty excited.
And it's you. Man its you on your adventure to yourself.. to the core and running back
I'm pretty excited, but I'll be calling hopefully soon
like a friggin wishing well, but for real like
like real
like seals
plus its been bout time i get some thank you notes out into the world
so
oh
yo
oy
joy
-eux de vivre
4:30 am
well
here's to the night
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