Friday, June 20, 2008

Be. fly. Believe.. that we bloom upon this stalk of time

These days I find myself at a loss for words. I mean I have words, quite a lot of them, almost as such that I don't know what to say when I come here. Where to start? What gives? What comes?
We're in the midst of a remaking and a reshaping, that we know.
Whether I should talk about the research, the reading, the searching be it online or in books or magazines. The clues to a living life. And staying current.
Whether I should talk about the musings, the daydreams, the night dreams- the dream.
Whether to talk about the meetings, the planning, we've been doing between ourselves.
Or the ideas that blossom.
And fulfillment.

I guess most of all we are deciding what to do.. next?
Both to complete various missions from the past year or the starting of new ones.
Still have some promises to fulfill.
But more than anything the feeling. that keeps you. It
keeps you as you keep it.
And sends you rolling.

Reaffirming to oneself the stated goal.
Learning again and again. Sometimes different lessons.
But also the same lesson in different forms, coming to teach
you in deeper and deeper ways about life
and yourself.

It seems to me that once you think you've got one thing, something
else comes along and you are questioning again. And maybe that's
the way it should be you know.

I think that's where I've been since Djibouti honestly.
Questioning again and feeling again about something.
And I'm still figuring it out.
Do you ever really? Complete understanding an experience and how you got there.

I was writing a paper in the past weeks really trying to articulate what happened to me during and after Djibouti. I eventually had to take that part out of the paper because it warranted more thought and articulation than the seeming time constraints. But I will likely post some of those thoughts.

But fundamentally what is it to transcend and to make one's way through a life. I see what's before me you know? But how do I navigate it and what part of that expanse I see stretching forward and inward is me? Where do I reside in the whole world?

I guess I approach these questions of life through travel and through the spectre of the adventure or the quest. It seems palpable for me there. Travel or the named of quest appears to be a means for me to grapple with the very substance of the world, with my mind you know and all those parts of me.

World. Myself. Movement. The dream. Conceptual. Actual. Intersections. And power of myself. The individual. Power of myself (the individual) in the waking world, not in comparison to others persay, but in this whole waking world as it spins and what I choose. Importantly, what I choose. And whether I choose to go southwest or northwest, due east or south. And that's a metaphor and an actuality for so many things. traveling. (ahh energy.. i think i'll come back to this question)

Travel. Movement. Choice. Actualization. And Importantly. If I am even real. If I am even real.
Because I am made of dreams even as I am made of a body it seems, and all things like that.

And it seems like if i should believe in myself, then I should believe in my own dreams.
And if I should believe in the dream, (they are inside me) then i should believe in myself.

What else is whipping round my head and heart (ahh heart, what a word -sometimes given with a connotation of corniness, but important- I shall come back to the heart later, but..) day and night? Some things that other people can see, but some they cannot.
And do I believe in it? Does it have a reason? Are they valid? Are they stable? Is this possible? Can other people see it. Oh goodness.
Or in otherwords, do I believe in myself? Do I have a reason? Am I valid? Am I possible?

And then you are filled with this great pulsing feeling to make it real. Honestly sometimes I'm often pummeled over by it.

Hmm. And start whirring.

You know in these explanations I often try to write to people about what this project is and what I want it to do, it seems like I run in circles.
Are we
an expedition
a documentary
a story
a mission
a group
a dance
an enactment
a life

why are we doing it? what do we hope to accomplish..
and i write things like

empower. or inspire. or share. or spark. or create. (and these all seem metaphoric or non-actual)

through the power of the story and the dream

or the power of the dream to ..
the people and the dream
the story and the dream

but all these things kind of mean the same thing to me

that we are
documenting dreams to
inspire people's dreams and their lives and their stories

that we want to share each other's dreams to do this

all these things revolve in a circle and influences the next
a story inspires a dream. a dream inspires a person. a person inspires a dream. a dream action.
people create action. a dream is a story. people are stories. people's lives are stories, or parts of them are.
It seems like you can use one for the next in an evolving circle. One inspires the next. They are seamless and part of a process. And you could keep going with that if you want to.
I never i think get tired of that circle.
The people. The story. The dream.
And they can all fly if the want to.

Something like it. We're getting there. We're coming up with ideas and planning on making it happen. To talk about dreams and share about them in a for real for real way, you know.
For real real.

And I keep coming back to this thought that a dream will inspire the dreamer to anything.. in a way that something else will not. If that action comes from inside and is fueled from inside, there is nothing like that kind of power.
What could we do in this world that we know, if more people, if everyone were using that power inside of themselves, were using the dream, their dream.

And then you can see why it is so important. Their's no fuel like it. Nothing. Not oil or .. anything else that is an energy source. Because it can be transferred and transfigured and transported from one person to a thing.

If a dream were an animal it could be every animal. It would be every movement and every song.

And then you can really travel. Then you can really move through the world.
I think of those flying machines on movies like Howl's Moving Castle and such.. just whipping about through space..

What is the output of such a mission to document, celebrate, and tell dreams across our global and personal landscapes? What is the value in that? And how could I prove it? And the purpose in such a mission..

to travel around the whole world
and talk to people.. young people.. my "generation", and everyone
to listen to people telling, musing, about their dreams-lives-stories (same thing right?)
to document them if they wish
to take that story and take that dream, carry it across space ( what is space) with my mind or my body or my heart (heart?)
to carry it across the world, to others, other people dreaming their dreams - at night time or in the day
to carry it to people maybe with a different dream, but with that same pulse- that same feeling! we share it, do you hear? we all know what that's like, whoever we are-
to start something (what is it?) a sound, an occasion, an enacting, a remembrance, a talking, a making
about dreams.
you know when you have a sound
and it swells.. it swells.. and people are moved by that sound.. and they want to talk about their sound..
to begin a dialogue in a round of. the people. the person. the dream.
the dream. the person. the place.
and the inspired action that might come from that?

how do i document. how do you prove it. you go. you go.

I have a hypothesis. I want to prove the power of the dream. And the people in which that dream resides.

I want to prove the power of the dream to fuel the lives of the people. And the people to tell the story, and remember the dream.

It seems if you start there. You can go many places. Wherever you are or might be.

I hypothesize that the power of a person, a people, and a dream ( which are simultaneous)
works anywhere on the earth.. no matter where you are.. (which brings in the world, the mundus.mundi)

that i or you or me

or anyone

maybe that sounds bold because it seems that ideas about power are sometimes based on


geography (what a word. is there power there. poke it with your finger. try it. see)

and the journey is a trying and a seeing. for my benefit and for the world's. and those who would like to know.
spectacle? belief?
but you see though.
i already believe.
i already believe.

And i say that to myself. and OH i get a running start. it is my dream purrring and revving up the motor. i think she already has energy.

oh testing. dear testing of a life.

let's see!

But I think I should go,

but in the meantimes... these betweentimes!

"; use yourselves : be : fly.
Believe that we bloom upon this stalk of time
-Muriel Rukeyser

1 comment:

  1. Brilliant! An absolutely wonderful statement about the human condition and life in general. The older I get the more questions I have. It is the question that pushes me forward always.

    Stay hungry.