Tuesday, December 18, 2007

smattering mattering

This will be a smattering. I've been playing around with code after some technical difficulties... that left the blog header pictureless for a minute. But I learned somethings and took the foray into html land.. did alright, but now i need to figure out what I changed so that the text is running into the header.

It's Tuesday morning. Tomorrow I need to get some things done. Really though.
Today a friend was talking about how since she's been in Thailand she hasn't been able to write letters or things or even explain what's happening. So she went another route and basically listed and described the whys and wherefores of songs that are on her repeat list these days.
Sometimes you gotta take another route. I think I need to take another route.
I was in limbo land today.

There's a couple of posts I need to make. I haven't put up a single picture from NY about a month ago and other things, but all things in time.. or sometimes just doing it or something..
It's pretty late or early however you figure it.
My sleep cycles have been off mainly because I just don't feel like stopping what I'm doing to go to sleep. I 've been up all night sometimes these past few days, until my mother comes through around 5 saying I'm obsessed or something.

Is this coming to good, end, fruition, or beginning? Do I care so much?
Why do I care so much? If I had a paper to write or something,
you wouldn't be able to keep me from falling asleep, and I wouldn't be able to do so either.

Today I was thinking. What if I abandoned this venture? I mean I was just thinking.
I mean, anything is possible if you're thinking.
I mean I thought what if I just stopped thinking
about this all the time and the next thing to do.
It's constant.
It is constant. And I thought about the road I
would be on if I took some other road and.. I've been seeing this so long I don't see nothin else really though. It's the one reality. And you never lack of energy, when its your own thing you're doing, you never lack of the impetus, you are your own fuel burning, your own lantern lit.
Though sometimes you still get tired and sometimes you get that rushing empty feeling after you've been up many hours just imagining to yourself and putting in the work, or the seeds or seedlings, or rocks or rocks that will sprout water or the boulders or i don't know dust, many grains of sand, many leaves of grass you tread upon.

I want to be honest though. I try to be honest.
I don't know everything and sometimes naturally
I am afraid, and sometimes naturally I try to tell myself to be stronger or more this and that.. and we try don't we, we try.

I don't know everything, but I am learning some things and many things I knew before I was born, most things

I am listening to John Legend.
I saw him Saturday, spotted him in the crowd in LA on the big screen at the Stevie Wonder concert and when I saw him I reached over to my cousin, pretty excitedly and siad ina (siad ina?) very excited pitch, "that's John Legend! tHAT was John Legend" And it was. Not too long after Stevie said he was inviting somebody up and it was him and it was all so beautiful though. Man! He's beautiful. Dudes I was pretty much bursting this entire time and I'm not really a burster over celebrity status type stuff, but
and Legend
and Mayer
and this wonderful wonderful singing,
piano playing, also blind man named Eric Hall
who just about made me cry. I have to find him.
And Bebe Winans. Bebe friggin Winans.
I have pictures that I have not downloaded yet that I'll put up soon and more
on it.
And afterwards after some waiting and getting tired in this dark room with people,
I shook Stevie's hand and took a picture.. story behind that soon to come.. this lady was getting a little off the chain.. but
I don't know. Life is good. I'm trying to slow my mind
down and make some greater strides while staying in a solid place.
And be honest.. and evaluate.. and slow the roll, and challenge and be.. and be.. and be ok being.

I would like to highlight my friend Tiona M. and her documentary film Black Womyn: Conversations. I met this filmmaker and human person my first year in Atlanta as a freshman. Visited her in Philly recently and got to see some of her film which is slated to be released pretty soon. I haven't seen anything like it! She has been working on it for the last five years. This girl works like nobody else I know! Committed to her craft.. she was one of the first people I saw around my age group, though she's a bit older than me really making things for herself, taking no apologies, and making a living by just livin.

"as far as your photography goes..if you are trying to do it for real...committ to it like its your spouse and place it above all else...and sacrifice for it...for the film..committ to it and stay focused..."

... this after i asked her advice about moving out into the world with the work you are doing.. just about a year ago really. But really! check her film out.

be just being,
- I A

This is the sky over Oklahoma this Saturday morning.
My mother was telling me about their
icestorm today.

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